THIS JERK SAYS

So yeah, my day-to-day life sucks, still looking for a new job, blah-blah-blah.  Went fishing with my brother yesterday, and actually managed to catch a fish (which is a feat in and of itself for me)  Space Rangers was a hit, though the encore we did at Panoply was a train wreck, and I might be auditioning for either a local improv troupe or a Shakespeare troupe for something to do this summer.  All that catch-up is well and good, but that’s not why we’re here, is it?

No, we’re here because I just got back from the official kick-off for the summer movie season, with Marvel’s latest offering, Iron Man.  The film’s been getting a lot of hype (though it can’t compare to the ridiculous self-sustaining hype machine that is The Dark Knight), so like any jaded comic nerd, I put up my critic barrier and prepared to see a bastardized Hollywood perversion of the franchise.  Man, being wrong never felt so good.

The lights went down, and we were treated to exactly two previews: Dark Knight and Indiana  Jones.  And that’s it.  No bullshit romantic comedy, no wacky hijinks with Queen Latifah, no annoying commercial with the paper bag puppets talking about Fandango.  Just the only two previews you’re interested in seeing, and then moving right along.  I like a movie that doesn’t screw around like that.  Anywho, after getting properly psyched for the only two other movies that matter this year, it was show-time.

PLOT:

Weapon-designer and billionaire douchebag Tony Stark is in the Middle East showing off his latest creation to the military brass when he gets attacked and kidnapped by a massive terrorist cell called ‘The Ten Rings.’  They force him to build a super-weapon for them, and like any honest red-blooded American in a similar situation, he instead makes a kickass robot suit with which he promptly ruins their shit (U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!)  Upon returning to America, he realizes how much of a jackass he’s been, and builds an even more kickass robot suit in order to fix the mess he made.  Awesomeness ensues.

STYLE:

You’d think that a joint venture between special-effects wizard Stan Winston and the CGI masters at Industrial Light and Magic would be able to pull off some decent superhero effects…and holy shit, you’d be right.  How come Lucas’ effects crew couldn’t make his own movies look this good?!

ACTING:

Much ado has been made about Robery Downey Jr.’s performance as the disshevled and emotionally conflicted Tony Stark, so allow me to make a little more.  Downey absolutely nails the role, switching from sarcastic to sympathetic seamlessly.  It should be noted that Gwyneth Paltrow does a fantastic job as Stark’s assistant–the unfortunately-named Pepper Potts (dammit, Stan Lee, why does every one of your characters have to have alliterative names?!), and Jeff Bridges plays off of Downey very well as the douchebag-but-not-in-a-fun-way Obadiah Stane.  The casting could not have been more spot-on.

ACTION:

Oh there’s quite a bit of it, and it’s all good good stuff.  If you’re a terrorist, you might not want to watch this one, as those poor guys fare worse than in your average Bruce Willis movie.  They get blasted with laser beams, mini-missiles, regular missiles, flamethrowers, and when that’s not good enough, Iron Man simply sends ‘em flying with a good haymaker or two.  Throw in a fantastic aerial chase scene with a couple of F-22s and a giant robot-suit duel, and you’ve got yourself a real treat.

ROMANCE:

If there’s one thing that drives me nuts about superhero movies, it’s that they always feel forced to focus on a contrived love story, usually between two leads who have little chemistry together.  It hurt the last Superman movie, it nearly ruined the Spider-Man franchise, and even got shoved into the by-all-rights-amazing Batman Begins.  However, this one gets it right with the somewhat cynical and one-sided relationship between Tony and Pepper.  Downey and Paltrow play off each other incredibly well and pull it off without the usual whiff of ham and cheese.  And I gotta say that Miss Paltrow is still unbelievably attractive.

FAITHFULNESS TO THE ORIGINAL:

Like the first two Spider-Man movies, it keeps very close to the spirit of the original comic despite not keeping to the exact details.  It does take some pretty major departures here and there, but makes sure to throw purists a bone with a few winks and nods.  The terrorist cell ‘The Ten Rings,’ for example, gets its name from the old villain the Mandarin, who had a different magic ring on each finger.  And Stark’s computer program ‘Jarvis’ is named after his butler from the comics, whom I assume was made into a computer for the sake of covering up the fact that Stark is basically Bruce Wayne with a better social life.  Most of all, they made Tony a genuinely likeable character, as opposed to the current comics where he’s just “that douchebag who got Captain America killed.”

Also, all you True Believers out there will want to stick around for the Easter-egg that plays after the end credits.

GRIPES:

The only thing that kinda bugged me was how heavy-handed Stark’s change of heart was.  I mean, it was effective and all, and showcases what’s wrong about war profiteering, but it tended to get a little redundant.  Really, that’s about all I can think of right now.

OVERALL:

Most superhero movies can only offer a one-sided selection in the balance between actual substance and popcorn spectacle.  X-Men United had some great action sequences, but lost a lot of the social commentary that made the old comic so great.  Superman Returns was a good introspective look into the heart and mind of an iconic character, but dwelt on it so long that it barely had any action at all.  Iron Man delivers on all fronts, with smart dialogue, a tight pace, and a truly solid tale of a wayward soul finding redemption.  Also, he beats the crap out of bad guys in an awesome robot suit.  What more could you want?

This jerk’s thumb….is WAY UP.